marriage: i feel like a yeti


"I'm feeling like a yeti today," I told my husband last Sunday after service. You might think that it meant I was feeling monstrous or abominable. There's a sense in which that was the case, but I used "yeti" as a code word for something more complex.

I got the idea of using a code word from Jennifer Smith's blog. I recommend that you read that article since she writes it better than I could, and she touches on most of what I personally experienced with Carlo when it comes to our communication.

But to give you an idea, we use this code word when:


  • I'm frustrated at something unimportant and I'm generally fine
  • I feel frustrated that I feel frustrated and there's nothing in particular that's really ticking me off (probably hormonal)
  • I'm just hungry, tired, or both. 

Before the code word, whenever any of those situations above would arise, The Hubs and I would end up arguing about something so small and irrelevant to the real cause of my emotional ambiguity. I would try to ignore it, but it would inevitably affect him and it could easily ruin an otherwise pleasant moment. My well-meaning husband would ask me if I'm okay, I would get triggered somehow, and I would get annoyed at him. The poor man.

So to give me time and space to think about what's wrong with me, I would just say I feel like a yeti. We would resume normal conversation and when I finally figure out what's going on in my mind, I'd be ready to share it with him without the unnecessary blow-up. So far, the code word has worked for us and spared us of petty arguments.

Do you have a code word you use with your spouse/significant other? What are some communication barriers you've had to overcome?

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