on new jeans and expansion

Late last year I lamented the fact that I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I've gained about 12 happy pounds since getting married in 2015. It's easy to get sad that I'll never be the same size as I was in high school (perfectly normal), so instead I just choose to focus on getting stronger everyday. In fact, while some of the weight gain may be fat, I'm pretty sure part of it is water weight and muscle from working out.

Instead of forcing myself to fit jeans I would have worn in college, I've come to accept that those days are gone. Pants that are a couple inches wider reflect who I am now. While most of my clothes from 2011 still fit me today, I bought new jeans last year because my old ones don't fit as well anymore. These new jeans have become a way for me to make peace with my body and to embrace new things that come my way.
Don't get me wrong though: It's not that I don't intend to pursue a healthier lifestyle and lose some weight. "Making peace" doesn't mean letting go and stuffing myself crazy.  While I'm at my heaviest, I'm also at my healthiest and strongest (possibly the leanest, too). This is about more than bodily changes but also coming to terms with the ebb and flow of life.

My comfy Levi's really caused me to reflect on how far God has taken me. A lot of expansion happened over the last couple years--bodily and experientially, and those denim pants are benchmarks of change and growth.

Just like the new mom whose belly has grown to make room for new life.
Just like the newlywed whose relationships have changed to make room for more love to share.
Just like the career changer whose horizons have broadened to make room for more risks and adventures.
Just like the lobster that's forced out of its shell because it has grown too big for it. It no longer fits in its comfort zone. It has to move out, move on, and grow a new shell.

Replacing old jeans meant saying goodbye to teenage angst and immaturity, new ones mean progress and being fully aware of my current season. They fit just right and I'll be wearing them for as long as I need to.

My body is not the same. Then again, neither am I.

More memories, lessons, and experiences are coming in. I welcome them.

I'll keep expanding in more ways than one. I'll pursue good health but I won't resist good change.

I'll make room instead.

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