Thought Vomits 9/20


I like concrete, tall buildings, and a bit of cloudy gloom even though the place I call home is laden with beaches beneath sunny skies. I enjoy the company of silence and solitude even though my current trade entails attending large group gatherings. Small talk would have been the death of me, until hello how are you, I’m fine how about yourself broke down walls and taught me how to listen better. I call myself an introvert until the four letter types became self-imposed limits.

My skin is stretching in more ways than one. Aging and time are peculiar things.

I prefer pancakes over waffles, coffee over tea, and the old soul in me likes classic over contemporary music.  I would rather wear neutrals than be clothed in color and loud prints. My inner life can be tumultuous, and I would metaphorically run away to cope, but I now face fear head on. I name it, confront it, and pray to the God I love until it melts away.

Many of life’s problems have solutions. Jumping off a bridge is not one of them.

I am not sports-crazed but I enjoy the thrill of watching American football on a 70-inch plasma television, your window to the world. I'm easing my way into the habit of reading. There was a time when I spent more hours reading books than being held captive by the screen glow of my devices. I like to say I’m a writer but I say this to no one in particular.

I need to write to keep my sanity. I need to write to process deeply.

I feel nauseated when I scroll through the infinite time-suck that is social media, avoiding it as best I can to avoid the comparison trap. I hate that I am constantly inconsistent. All I want is a steady routine but I am a creature of process, often not in linear fashion but more cyclical.

There are days when I feel like I am not a good enough wife, daughter, friend. I have one soul. I am whole. I want to give fully.

Another 100 Day Project Update (Hint: It's Parked)

Houston, March 2017
***I took that photo above just a little over 6 months ago. Pray for Houston and give as much as you can.  The organization I work for is raising funds for housing needs there. You can support by donating here.***

Blog projects are the bane of my existence. I'm pretty good at starting things until the flame of excitement fizzles out after a few posts. But you know what? That's okay.

I actually reached Day 28. That's 28 days of typing furiously on my phone, not letting any word escape me in the middle of the night. That's nearly a month's worth of writing in my journal, recalling the day, listing things I'm grateful for and areas of weakness where I need extra grace. I started with Day Zero and I had written daily for 28 days. The project would have been completed sometime this month.

There are teaching moments in EVERYTHING and if they're not immediately obvious, I look for them (I blame it on my Learner tendencies). The lesson here is that when projects get parked, what matters is that you tried. Not all projects see the light of completion; many return to gestate only to be revived, improved, or scrapped altogether. The process matters as much as the results but some days the world will tell you that not getting results equals failure.

My 100 Day Project was a lofty goal. In between the complete pages and drafts, transitioning from part time to full time work happened. Our 2016 Corolla reached its first 10,000 miles signifying our accumulation of experience over the past few months. There was an increase in responsibilities at church. I've been inspired to pursue my husband more than when we first got married. No doubt there's been more to write about, but I just let myself get lost (or rather be found?) in those daily moments. This is the resulting beauty of choosing to intentionally record my day--it forced me to observe so I don't miss the details. Some days I was able to record it, some days I just took a photo, often I just relish the events with my husband and the people that matter to me.

Granted there was lack of planning on my part and as much as I love to plan, I often fail to do that for my blog projects (and Whole30, but that's another story). But 28 days isn't bad, right?

So here's to more projects that are worth starting and trying. However it turns out, there is always something to be gained.

Latest Instagrams

© PATRICIA VICTA. Design by Fearne.