Thought Vomits 9/20


I like concrete, tall buildings, and a bit of cloudy gloom even though the place I call home is laden with beaches beneath sunny skies. I enjoy the company of silence and solitude even though my current trade entails attending large group gatherings. Small talk would have been the death of me, until hello how are you, I’m fine how about yourself broke down walls and taught me how to listen better. I call myself an introvert until the four letter types became self-imposed limits.

My skin is stretching in more ways than one. Aging and time are peculiar things.

I prefer pancakes over waffles, coffee over tea, and the old soul in me likes classic over contemporary music.  I would rather wear neutrals than be clothed in color and loud prints. My inner life can be tumultuous, and I would metaphorically run away to cope, but I now face fear head on. I name it, confront it, and pray to the God I love until it melts away.

Many of life’s problems have solutions. Jumping off a bridge is not one of them.

I am not sports-crazed but I enjoy the thrill of watching American football on a 70-inch plasma television, your window to the world. I'm easing my way into the habit of reading. There was a time when I spent more hours reading books than being held captive by the screen glow of my devices. I like to say I’m a writer but I say this to no one in particular.

I need to write to keep my sanity. I need to write to process deeply.

I feel nauseated when I scroll through the infinite time-suck that is social media, avoiding it as best I can to avoid the comparison trap. I hate that I am constantly inconsistent. All I want is a steady routine but I am a creature of process, often not in linear fashion but more cyclical.

There are days when I feel like I am not a good enough wife, daughter, friend. I have one soul. I am whole. I want to give fully.

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